Tantra is work and a two way street

I have been reading when I get a moment this crazy week on Gillette's blog the discussion of Tantra , ED, and related topics. Gillette makes some very good points about some of the Tantric websites and the goddesses that list their talents on them. http://ex-courtesan.blogspot.com/


Tantra is hard work and is not all light and orgasmic play. It is not all about yoni and p massage as an orgasmic end to itself. Gillette and other Tantrika's cannot heal anyone it is up to the person to do it for themselves. They can facilitate and create an environment that is conducive to healing. They can coach, touch, and encourage. Nevertheless, every adult seeking sexual healing etc. from Tantric providers needs to be willing to take the advice given, work the exercises, and practice the techniques required, be open to the touch and present to receive the energy. Resistance will increase frustration and make it difficult on the provider to service your needs.

Tantric p massage or yoni massage can bring up emotions and allow for the expression of pain or feelings that can result cathartic release that makes one feel more whole or healed. But it is not the giver that is producing the release or healing. It is the receiver who has chosen to be present, is accepting the gift and allowing themselves to be venerable and open that is really doing the healing if it occurs. They must chose to allow the dark as well as the light emotions to emerge and with their partner deal with them.

Tantric exercises can be helpful and wonderful for men with ED. But they have to work their PB muscles and do other exercises. I can worship the vajra and do some of the exercises for my husband during our lovemaking. But to improve there is much he has to do for himself. It may not yet overcome one medical condition that may yet require surgery. But we have noticed a great improvement when he does his exercises. He stops for a while and it regresses a bit. He wants to tense up and not relax what he should. This makes for him a bad situation worse and disrupts the blood flow. Medications sometimes help him but many times are not very effective.

I work with him on breathing and channeling energy only to a point. He does not get into most of the Tantra breathing and energy work except when he is in a middle of an orgasm and allowing me to facilitate the movement of his sexual energy enhances his pleasure. If he resists with his heart, body, or mind I cannot create any pleasure or healing etc.

Just because I desire a yoni massage does not make my husband or any other lover good at it. They have to desire to learn the technique and want to touch or practice. I have to let them. This too, requires two people and is a two way street. I have to trust and relax and they have to want to be the giver. They cannot be in some: oh! I got to reciprocate and can't want to get this over with mood. My husband is getting better at it but tires quickly of it. He has learned through a lot of communication other touches that bring me pleasure and has become a better lover over the past 2-3 years. But we both have to chose to work on finding such pleasure together.

I also practice a lot of Tantric breathing, sexual self pleasuring, and work my kegels. I do my energy work and try to learn some new wisdom every week. I cannot control others but I can take control of my sexuality and explore Tantra in ways that goes beyond sex.

Like most couples we have a great moments and our not so great ones. But it is the journey that causes me to smile when I see some of the promises of various Tantric websites. I know it will take more than one session for many of those who truly seek healing and much to heal. It will be more of a journey than many want to embark. Many do find intense and delightful pleasure with their tantric providers during a session. But many are only skimming the surface of orgasmic bliss to limit of the erotic massage or services provided. To go farther requires work from both partners and a desire for an intimacy that few can imagine.

Some do achieve intimate orgasmic bliss in Tantric workshops with strangers that they did not know before the session. It is easier to do in such an environment with a leader that has organized each session. They usually have everyone working on the themselves before allowing interaction between participants. It does create an artificially intimate environment that does allow for intense sharing. It is a bit unnerving to see someone out of that environment ignore you or a request for assistance, or act like you did not exist despite having shared so much. The intimacy may be with or without any sexual touching. The first time something similar happened to me it was Gillette that had to help me process the emotions it bubbled up. I felt betrayed and hurt that the other person was so aloof and seemingly uncaring at breakfast and during the next morning. Later , I learned they needed their space and time to process the events and sharing of the night before. They did not recognize through their own fog that I had injured myself and was asking for assistance with the injury. I got help but it was not from the person I expected it.

I do like being called "Goddess" by certain men in my life. I accept it as a term of endearment. It reminds me that with me that is something sexually divine and that it is not bad to acknowledge it. I grew up denying it doing so almost killed me sexually and spiritually. But I understand Gillette's point when she says she is not one. No one can magically woo woo your orgasmic bliss, healing or make your problems disappear. You must be willing to embark on that journey yourself and then be open to the guidance of others along the way.

We are working on rekindling our relationship and each day is a journey. Tantra is but one tool in the tool box that increases our intimacy and brings us pleasure. But for me the journey into the deeper realms of tantra is a two way street. I must be willing to learn, practice, receive and give. Gillette and my Tantric friends can guide me and at times in person facilitate my journey but the person most responsible for my bliss is me. I may someday choose to see a professional tantra provider for a yoni massage or other services but unlike some of their clients. I know that it is a two way street and they are only guiding and facilitating my own journey. But I currently plan to spend more time in the company of my tantric friends, some are professional providers and mentors and others just practice it daily, with whom I have already bonded and whose wisdom I respect. Please remember when viewing various Tantric sites that like most activities and choices in life the more you contribute to your well being the more you will receive.